


Sitting in the middle of a flame, still burning.

by complicatednarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 13:55:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4708421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/complicatednarry/pseuds/complicatednarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall and Harry share a four year relationship that consists of one boy who can't say no, one boy who can't keep his promises and many failed attempts. Now that Harry's finally ready to give Niall what he wants, it seems Niall's learnt how to say no to him. It's always later than you think. But sometimes, true love still wins. </p><p>OR</p><p>Niall Horan has learnt three things; love makes you crazy, you'll always get by with a little help from your friends, and falling in love with Harry Styles on an Italian beach will fuck you up for a very long time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sitting in the middle of a flame, still burning.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just totally over indulgent AU and it’s half based on a book called One Minute To Midnight by Amy Silver. 
> 
> This was hard, and I usually prefer to write canon compliant but it was fun and I'm proud of it so I hope someone enjoys reading it. 
> 
> Three things; Firstly, Louis is only in it for the tiniest moment and if you blink you'll miss it. Secondly, I love Liam very much and there's absolutely no reason whatsoever that he isn't in it. Lastly, I only picked Zayn as Niall's best friend because it made the most sense considering his character and let's face it, ziall was a major brOTP.
> 
> Enjoy!

| Summer Break, July 2012 |

Zayn met Niall at the airport. Looking effortlessly handsome in a black t shirt and shorts. Simple, yet perfect. Zayn always looks good but Niall put his extra attractiveness down to having already spent three weeks in Sardinia.

Niall certainly didn’t look as healthy or radiant as Zayn looked after his flight and it made his reunion with his best friend, after two months apart, not as exciting as it should be.  
Zayn drove them both back to his parent’s holiday home on the island.

‘You glad you came?’ Zayn said from the other side of the car. 

‘Course I am,’ Niall replied. ‘Weather’s shit in Ireland at the moment.’ 

Their mutual friend Fliss had arrived yesterday. They all became friends when Fliss dated Zayn briefly. When they realised they were better off as friends, she stuck around and they'd been a tight threesome every since. She’d flown from London and got there yesterday. 

‘So what’s the plan for tonight?’ Niall asked.

‘Thought we’d have dinner with Fliss at the house and you can chill and get settled. After that, we can go down the beach bars. There’s also a beach party down on the other side.’

‘Sounds good.’

**

‘Yaaaaay!!!! You’re here,’ Fliss bounded up and down excitedly.

‘Hey you,’ Niall said fondly, pulling Fliss into a hug.

Zayn showed Niall around the house and to his room while Fliss got to opening beers for them all. 

‘So what kind of outfit attire are we dealing with for this evening?’ Fliss asked Zayn as the boys walked back downstairs.

‘As little as possible. It is a beach party after all,’ Zayn winked. 

**

They walked down at about 10pm and the beach was swarming with tourists and partygoers drinking and seemingly having a merry time. 

Zayn lead them towards the party, passing bikini clad girls and shirtless men and Niall felt rather out of place. He loved a drink and a good time but he wasn’t so keen on stripping off in front of all these guys who he felt were completely out of his league. Zayn seemed to already be acquainted with most of the girls he passed and Niall decided he’d need a lot more to drink before he started to enjoy himself tonight. 

Niall offered to go the bar and after waiting what felt like 3000 years, he finally emerged with two beers and a bellini for Fliss. Just as Niall was relieved he made it down the crowded bar steps and onto the beach, a topless boy came seemingly out of nowhere running to catch a ball and charged straight into Niall, making both him and the drinks fly. 

‘Ah scusa’ the boy mumbled sheepishly.

Niall smiled forgivingly and got up brushing himself off. He sighed and made his way back to bar for round two. 

‘That was unlucky,’ Niall heard a deep voice say behind him. He turned around and found himself looking into the green eyes of a tanned boy with unruly brown hair. He was the kind of boy that if you saw him in a posed picture, you might not be sure you actually fancy him but when he’s right in front of you, looking at you and smiling, you feel like you’ve never seen anything or anyone more attractive. 

Niall pondered his attractiveness for longer than he should and it forced the green eyed boy to look a little concerned and said ‘sorry you do speak English don’t you?’ 

Niall cleared his throat and tried and to find his voice. ‘Oh sorry, yes, yes I do. I’m not Italian. I’m not English either but that’s by the by. Sorry I’m rambling. Um, yes I speak English.’ 

He looked amused again. ‘I’m Harry’ he said. ‘Shall we have another go at getting you a drink?’ 

‘Niall, and yes please.’

Niall cringed a little bit, the sexiest boy he’d ever laid eyes on was talking to him and the only reason he was, was because Niall fell over and threw his drinks everywhere. That would never happen to Zayn. Or Fliss for that matter.

‘What can I get you?’ Harry asked. 

‘Just a beer please.’ Niall answered. ‘But I wasn’t just buying for me, my friends are waiting on their drinks too. Another beer and bellini.’

‘Oi, Dave’ Harry suddenly shouted to the bar tender. ‘Three beers and a bellini please.’

‘Sure mate.’ 

He turned back to Niall and grinned. 

‘You made that look so easy.’ Niall told him and he just smiled again which made Niall feel a little jittery. Before he knew it, Harry’s hand was placed on Niall’s arm and he was guiding them to two open seats. 

‘Zayn and Fliss, my friends will be waiting for their drinks.’ Niall told him, all the while not resisting Harry’s efforts to their seats. 

‘But I’ve bought you a drink now. You have to talk to me. For a few minutes at least. Hey, I don’t make the rules, they’re just there for us to obey.’ He grinned again. He really knew what he was doing. Suddenly Niall felt very out of his depth. 

‘I should really go, they’ll be wondering where I am.’ 

‘Oh don’t leave yet. We’ve barely talked,’ he said and the hopeful smile on Harry’s face made Niall want to stay. ‘Okay, I’ll tell you what. I’ll walk with you back to your friends and give them their drinks and then can we talk?’ 

‘Okay,’ Niall agreed despite himself and Harry grinned, that grin again.

‘There you are!’ Fliss exclaimed, extricating herself from in between two tall topless guys. 

‘Here’s your drink’ Niall said passing her the bellini. Fliss took the drink and eyed Harry coyly.

‘Please will you tell your friend Niall that you’re satisfied he’s sufficiently being taken care of so he’ll come and talk to me without worrying about you?’ Harry said and coming from anyone else, Niall would have thought that sounded assuming and rude, but coming from Harry it sounded incredibly charming. 

Charming enough that Fliss grinned back at him and said ‘yes sir! You can take him. Show him a good time yeah? Lord knows this boy needs it.’ 

Harry winked at her while Niall glared.

They walked down the beach and found a more empty area away from the louder music and sat down beside each other. 

‘So where you from? I’m assuming somewhere in Ireland?’ Harry asked.

‘Yeah, a small town in central Ireland. I go to uni in London though.’

They chatted easily for a while, trading stories and talking about families and university.

‘You’re not cold are you?’ Harry asked when Niall shivered as they’d brushed shoulders.

Harry turned to face Niall properly, faces only inches away from each other. ‘You’re really hot,’ Harry told Niall and he felt his face heat. 

‘Harry Styles!’ a loud voice suddenly shouted and tore them out of their moment. 

‘Hey you!’ Harry called out back to the voice, as he got to his feet and before Niall could attempt to do the same, he had a tanned blond girl running into his arms and she was whispering something in his ear that had him laughing. 

‘I really ought to go Harry. Thanks for the drink.’ Niall said.

‘Yeah okay. Hopefully I’ll see you around again’ he said half-heartedly while still in entangled with blondie. 

Niall just politely nodded and walked away. Furious with himself for feeling disappointed. 

‘There you are!!’ Fliss screamed happily when she saw Niall plodding back to her. ‘Where’s Prince Charming? Oh man, he’s gorgeous isn’t he? And he had serious eyes for you.’

She’d definitely got a lot drunker since Niall last saw her. ‘So where is he?’ she asked again. 

‘Got dragged away by some blond beauty like yourself,' Niall replied.

‘I thought he was gay,’ Fliss said slurring a little bit.

‘He’s probably bi. Could have his pick of anyone male or female I think.’

‘Never mind! We’ll find you a guy. You are not spending this entire holiday by yourself. You’ve been moping and moping since the whole “unrequited” thing with Calum and it’s been like 9 months. It’s time to get back on the saddle.’ 

It was that simple for Fliss. It always had been. It was the same for Zayn too. Nothing phased them.

Three beers later, Niall had almost forgotten all about his almost moment on the beach with sexy Harry. Before He knew it, Zayn was back and all three of them were jumping up and down in the middle of the make shift beach dance floor. He was determined to enjoy this holiday, he was with his best friends on an Italian beach with zero responsibilities. Life didn’t get much better. 

Niall momentarily let Fliss go to give himself some room and suddenly, he found myself being spun around and before he could protest Harry’s lips were on his. For a second, the world stopped turning and it felt like there was no one else on the beach except for the two of them. Harry’s tongue ran along Niall’s lips and he opened his mouth to let him in. It’d been months since Niall had, had a proper kiss and he melted into it. Harry finally pulled away and Niall felt the world jumpstart on its axis again. 

‘Hi again,’ Harry grinned.

‘Hi,’ Niall said suddenly feeling shy again. 

‘Sorry we got separated, let’s go and have a proper drink somewhere quiet.’ Harry grabbed an opened bottle of champagne he found and before Niall even decided to say yes, he was being pulled away from Zayn and Fliss once again, who was giggling and giving both of them the thumbs up. 

‘Where’s blondie?’ Niall asked him as they walked. 

‘Well she’s not here. Is she?’ he said and Niall rolled his eyes. 

Niall felt high on something other than alcohol as they walked along the beach side by side. They found another spot he deemed acceptable and took it in turns to swig from the bottle and look out into the brightly lit moon sky. 

‘So, what brings you to Sardinia?’ 

‘My mate Dave. Who we saw working behind the bar? Well, he’s working here for the summer and invited me and a few of our other friends out for a couple of weeks to soak up some rays.’ He explained. ‘What about you?’ 

‘Zayn has a holiday home here so I’m spending the week with him and our friend Fliss.’ 

They kissed and talked for what felt like ages. Long after they finished the bottle and Niall started to feel really relaxed and comfortable in Harry’s company. 

Then there was a lull in conversation and Harry turned to Niall. ‘Just so you know. I’d really really like to ask you back to our villa right now. And I’d really like you to come.’ Niall’s heart thudded in my chest. ‘But I don’t see you being the type of guy who puts out on the first date.’ 

‘Then you’d be right.’ Niall said trying to sound breezy.

He smiled and put his arm around my shoulder and we walked back down the beach. ‘I think you’re cute.’ 

‘Cute? Not fit and sexy?’

Harry looked over at Niall and smirked. A look he’d gotten to know quite well, in the short time he’d known him. 

They found Fliss back further up the beach surrounded by another but different group of guys. 

‘Hey lovebirds, what you been up to?’ she asked, raising her eyebrows in a suggestive manner. Niall put some space between him and Harry, embarrassed. But Harry filled the space and reached for Niall’s hand again. 

They joined Zayn, Fliss and her male posse and lay back on the beach staring at the stars and drinking for a while. It was getting close to sunrise and Harry was first to admit defeat and suggest going home. 

‘I really should get some sleep, I said I’d help Dave out at the bar tomorrow,’ he leant forward and kissed Niall’s neck. ‘Can I have your number so we can get together at some point in the week?’

Niall gave him his number and they shared one more kiss before Niall watched him walk away. 

‘Are you aware you’re grinning like a very smitten Cheshire cat?’ Zayn asked. 

‘Shut up.’

‘Nice going. He’s bloody gorgeous,’ Fliss said. 

‘Seems like he could be a bit of a charmer though, be careful?’ Zayn warned. He always had been strangely protective of Niall.

‘I will.’ Niall half believed himself. On one hand he’d been hurt before and didn’t want to relive it, on the other hand Niall didn’t think anyone had ever made him feel the way Harry had within just hours of meeting him.

Harry made Niall wait two days before he called and asked if they could get together. Zayn was only slightly miffed, since he wanted to go out for drinks, just the two of them for a bro night while Fliss had her own date. 

‘So what’s the plan?’ Niall asked Harry as they met that evening. 

They ended up going to a bar for drinks with a view of the ocean and then to a simple classic Italian restaurant where they talked all night about school, family, friends, likes, dislikes. Niall found out Harry’s parents divorced when he was really young, he gets along with his dad but is a total mummy’s boy. He reads politics at St Andrews and will be starting second year this coming September, like Niall. He has a burning desire to travel and see the world and the first place on his list is Japan. When he’s older he wants three kids and four cats and can see himself moving to London after university but definitely wants to raise his children up north like he was. 

They walked back along the beach as it was getting dark. 

Harry squeezed Niall’s hand and looked over at him mischievously, ‘fancy a dip?’ 

‘I’m wearing denim,’ Niall complained.

‘You’re wearing boxers aren’t you?’

‘Well yes..but.’

‘Come on’ he said excitedly, dropping Niall’s hand and pulling his shirt off while walking towards the sea. 

Niall ran in after Harry and Harry grabbed Niall as he got to him and pulled him straight in for a passionate kiss. They calmly tread water while they kissed and when they finally pulled away he rested his forehead against Niall’s and looked into his eyes so deeply he was sure his heart skipped a beat. 

**

He still didn’t have Harry’s number and so the next day he realised he was once again waiting for him to call after he said he would when he walked Niall back to the villa the night before.  
Niall didn’t hear from him again until the night before he was due to fly back to Ireland. He, Zayn and Fliss were planning to chill at the villa for the evening and Zayn did not approve being ditched on their last night. 

‘He gives you the date of a lifetime and then doesn’t so much as send you a text for five days but then the second he does, you go running?’ he said. 

‘Oh shut up Zayn it’s fine, Niall you go have a great night. And shag him this time will you?’ 

‘Felicity,’ Niall says mocking outrage.

**

They had a more simple date the next time, they bought a few beers and some fish tacos from a market stall and sat on the beach.

After they finished their drinks, Harry started walking them back and it didn’t take long before Niall realised they weren’t walking back towards his villa, but probably Harry’s. Niall didn’t know what scared him more, the prospect of what might have been about to happen, or the fact that he didn’t want it to not be about to happen. 

They reached Harry’s and it looked like his friends were out because the house was silent. And so were they as he guided them upstairs.

Niall had had sex twice before. Once with a girl when he was seventeen and it was awful, for the both of them. He can say that was the moment, he definitely knew he was interested in guys. And once almost a year ago, during fresher’s week and it was slightly less awful but barely satisfying. 

Harry could tell how nervous Niall was as his hands were shaking as they reached Harry’s zipper. 

‘You’ve done this before right?’ 

‘Yeah,’ Niall breathed, ‘just not a lot. I’m still not exactly sure how everything works.’

Harry suddenly felt even fonder of Niall and was determined to make this great for him, for both of them. 

Harry lay back and signalled for Niall to crawl on top of him. He grinned as Niall leant down to kiss him and groaned into Niall’s mouth, slipping his hands under his shirt and pulling it off.

‘Wait get off me one sec,’ Harry muttered and Niall moved off a little confused. Then he watched Harry stand up and go to his dressing table to retrieve a condom and a bottle of lube. He threw them on the bed and they landed with a thud next to Niall. Then Harry removed his shorts and t-shirt and grinned before going to resume his position on the bed. He signalled for Niall to also resume his position on top of Harry but Niall felt a little lightheaded at the sight of Harry naked and it took a few seconds before he could spring back into action. 

Niall removed his own shorts and went back to kissing Harry. He could feel himself up against Harry, and just being flesh on flesh with him was already better than any kind of sexual experience he’d ever had previously. 

Harry grabbed the lube and took Niall’s hand, drizzling it all over his fingers before guiding him.

Niall tried to keep his breathing steady but he was getting more nervous by the second realising he wanted nothing more than to make Harry come apart. 

Harry let go of Niall’s hand once it was where he wanted it and Niall took charge and tried to remember what he was supposed to do. He teased Harry to start off with before pushing one finger inside him to make Harry gasp and rotate his hips slightly. 

‘Another,’ Harry said with an edge to his voice that made Niall feel dizzy. 

Niall pushed another in and Harry pushed back on them. Niall took some initiative and curled them around to make Harry groan and Niall started to feel a little less nervous. 

Niall was about the wrap his hand around Harry’s cock as well when Harry stopped him. 

‘Don’t do that otherwise this’ll all be over rather soon and I was kind of hoping you’d be up for fucking me?’

‘Yes,’ Niall almost moaned and Harry grinned. 

Niall had never done that before. The guy he’d been with in freshers, did the fucking. And Niall can’t say he particularly enjoyed it. But he guessed that no one enjoys it on the first time. Niall thought about how tight Harry was around just two fingers and added a third for good measure and curled them around again to make Harry gasp. 

‘Okay, I’m ready,’ Harry said. 

‘Are you sure?’ 

‘Yeah.’

Niall rolled the condom on, slicked himself up and positioned himself against Harry. 

Niall pushed forward ever so slowly and he thought he might pass out from how tight it was. He leaned a little closer and Harry quickly kissed Niall and took his bottom lip between his own, biting down as Niall pushed all the way in. 

Niall waited for a second until Harry nodded agai, signalling for him to move. 

He pulled out almost all the way before thrusting back and Harry whimpered in a good way but Niall decided it wasn’t enough and tried a different angle on every thrust back in until Harry moaned loudly and gripped the bedsheet. 

Niall knew he wouldn’t last very long but he was determined to make Harry come before he did so he was thankful when Harry grabbed his own cock to stroke himself in rhythm with Niall’s thrusts.

Suddenly Harry seized up and came while shouting Niall’s name and he felt like he was going to pass out just from hearing his own name fall from Harry’s lips in that way. 

Niall’s thrusts became messy and uncoordinated before Niall came himself. Niall was unsure what to do next so he held still for a second and Harry looked up and rubbed his hand over Niall’s sweaty forehead. 

‘You look so fucking hot from where I am right now,’ Harry said. 

Niall chuckled and pulled out of Harry making him hiss under his breath. 

‘Sorry,’ Niall said. 

‘It’s okay, I feel good.’ Harry replied. 

Niall laughed as he considered how good he felt drenched in oxytocin. So good he thought that if he didn’t keep his mouth shut, he’d end up telling Harry he was in love with him. Which would be ridiculous considering he barely knew him.

A couple of hours later, Harry walked Niall back to the villa and they kissed passionately at the gates. Harry told him he’d call him as soon as he got back to England.

Niall didn’t hear from him again for eight months. 

**

| March 2013 |

It was well into second year and Niall was sharing a house in North London with Fliss and Zayn. It was a Friday night and the three of them decided to go out for drinks and something to eat as a break from their growing workloads. 

They decided they’d keep it lowkey and go to the pub. It was Niall’s round and he walked up to the bar. As he was fishing his wallet out of his back pocket, he heard an unmistakably deep voice to his left, ‘hey, Niall.’ 

Niall looked up and saw Harry wearing his irresistible, sexy grin. He looked exactly the same as he did when they met on the beach in Sardinia. Tall, tanned, healthy. Niall hated it. He didn’t say anything, just stared. 

‘I’m in London for the weekend, just visiting,’ Harry said. ‘I’ve actually been thinking about you today, wondering what you were doing. If I’d be able to see you. And here you are. Must be fate,’ he grinned again. 

Niall still didn’t say anything, just looked at him, his heart feeling like it was about to beat out of his chest. Niall couldn’t believe he was right in front of me. He’d wasted a lot of hours, over the past eight months, thinking about him. Finally, drunkenly on New Year’s Eve, he’d promised his friends that he would stop moping about Harry which meant he needed to stop thinking about him. And he did. He’d truly given up on him. And it had felt great. Right up until that moment when he was looking back into his green eyes and feeling like he was in that room, in his bed, just yesterday. 

‘Niall? Are you alright? Are you going to say anything?’

Finally Niall figured out how to use his brain again. ‘It’s good to see you Harry. You look well.’ 

He smiled and Niall looked back at the table and realised Fliss had seen their exchange and was looking directly at them. The minute she locked eyes with Niall, she hastily got up and made her way to the bar. 

Fliss got to them and linked her arm straight through Niall’s and looked accusatorily at Harry. ‘Well if it isn’t Harry Styles. What a pleasure it is to be reunited with you.’ She said her voice dripping with sarcasm. 

‘And with you, Felicity.’ 

She ignored him and turned to Niall. ‘How are our beers coming along?’ 

‘I--didn’t get round to ordering yet.’ 

‘I’ll get them.’ Harry said.

‘No you don’t have to.’ Niall said at the exact moment Fliss said, ‘I knew you were good for something.’ 

‘I’ll get them, if you let Niall drink his with me.’ 

Niall broke eye contact and looked at the floor. Not really sure what to say. Or even what he wanted to do. 

‘We were only going to have one more quick drink and then we’ve plans to go out for dinner,'Niall said and Harry looked disappointed. 

‘You can let him off for one night can’t you?’ Harry asked Fliss. 

Fliss rolled her eyes. ‘He can make his own decisions, Harry.’ 

Harry was then being called over by one of his friends. ‘I’ll be back in a second, don’t go,' He said almost desperately. 

Fliss turned to look at Niall. ‘I know that your resistance is melting but he has left you without so much as a polite text for eight whole months, Niall. And tonight he sees you, by chance might I add, and is trying to charm his way into your pants again.’

He didn’t say anything in reply.

‘I can’t believe this. Niall he made you feel so crappy when he didn’t call last time. Not to mention you have a date tomorrow night with Rob who’s actually nice and kind and wants to see you and spend time with you.’

‘I know and I like Rob, I do, but Harry makes me feel so..’

‘Weak?’

‘I’m not weak!’

‘You’re not a weak person, no. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Sure of yourself, and confident. So why the hell are you so weak for him? You still barely even know each other.’ She said exasperated. 

‘Fliss..’

‘Go. Have a drink with him. Spend the evening with him. Shag him all night for all I care but don’t, whatever you do, spend the rest of the week moping around when he goes back to bloody Scotland and suddenly doesn’t care about you again.’ 

Then she walked away just as Harry got back to Niall. 

‘Can I take you out for dinner instead?’ He asked. 

‘Yes. You can,' Niall said despite himself. And Fliss. 

**

They went to a Mexican restaurant that Niall loved but he still felt quite uptight in Harry’s company. 

‘So how’s uni going?’ Niall asked. 

‘Good, work load’s getting a bit more intense now so I don’t have as much free time these days.’ He slid his hand across the table and touched Niall’s. ‘I’m sorry I never called you after Sardinia. I kept meaning to, and I did think about you. A lot. All the time. But then before I knew it, it was end of summer and I was back at St Andrews and I was busy with the new academic year and then suddenly it was Christmas. Plus back at uni, things were a bit complicated….with someone…and I just…’

Niall jerked his hand away but said ‘it’s fine, Harry. These things happen.’ Harry did have the good grace to look embarrassed at his actions. 

‘Anyway, I’m here all weekend. My train isn’t until Sunday evening. Can we spend some proper time together? I mean it’s been ages.’

‘It’s been eight months, Harry,’ Niall said, ‘and my workload is intense too. I don’t think I can just take the whole weekend off for you.’ But he knew he only half meant it when his face fell and Niall realised he wanted to kiss the smile back onto him. 

They caught up for the rest of evening and Niall felt himself starting to relax around him again. 

‘Where are you staying?’ Niall asked after he paid the bill.

‘The hotel at Charing Cross station.’

‘Wow mate, that’s posh. How come you’re not staying with your friend?’ 

‘She lives in a hovel with five other girls, I wasn’t about to put myself through that. So I thought I’d splash out a little. You wanna walk me back, see my room?’ he asked with the most innocent look on his face. 

**

‘Fuck, I’ve been thinking about this so much,’ Harry said breathlessly as Niall undid Harry’s zip and slipped his hand into the front Harry’s boxers. 

‘We could have been doing it sooner you know,’ Niall asked purposefully cornering Harry as he circled the head of Harry’s cock with his thumb and made Harry breathe in sharply with gritted teeth. 

‘I’ve been thinking about you fucking me,’ Niall said and Harry opened his eyes to look at Niall.

‘Yeah?’

Niall nods. That’s the first time he’d said that out loud. Even though Niall was seeing Rob, who he liked. Rob was funny, kind and smart, but he couldn’t help thinking about Harry from time to time. He and Rob were sleeping together and it was fun and good but he knew there was passion lacking from their relationship and Niall’s mind tended to wander to Harry when he was in bed with Rob. Something he felt fiercely guilty about. 

‘Have you…have you done it recently?’ Harry asked. 

Niall nodded again and he could have sworn he saw a trace of jealousy flash on his face for a second.

Harry leant into Niall and kissed him passionately, licking into his mouth making Niall groan. 

They hastily undressed each other and Harry settled between Niall legs, quickly drizzling lube all over his fingers before moving his hand toward Niall. 

‘Fuck,’ Niall squeaked as Harry added a second finger, closely followed by a third. 

Harry realised how desperate he was to taste Niall and on impulse readjusted his angle slightly to get his mouth on Niall’s cock. 

Niall’s hands flew into Harry’s hair and he moaned loudly which only spurred Harry on. ‘Harry, I’m gonna come if you don’t stop.’

Harry kept his fingers inside Niall while he moved back up his body to kiss him. 

Before Niall knew it, Harry was lining himself up and pushing in and Niall was clutching at the sheets and Harry was desperate to thrust into him hard and fast enough until he forgot whoever this other guy was that Niall had been sleeping with. 

‘Oh shit, fuck….me,’ Niall groaned as Harry found the right angle. He opened his eyes and wasn’t prepared for how delectable Harry looked on top of him fucking into him. ‘Fuck you look amazing. Oh shit, don’t stop.’

‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’

Harry’s orgasm hit him like a train and it spurred him to fuck deep into Niall who almost screamed and arched his back before suddenly coming too. 

Harry pulled out and threw the condom away before coming back and bringing Niall in for a cuddle. 

‘Will you sleep here?’ Harry asked.

‘Mmm,’ Niall muttered already on the verge of sleep. Harry thought about how much they’d regret not showering when they woke up but right then he couldn’t bear the thought of removing Niall from his arms.

They spent the entire weekend up until Harry’s Sunday night train, holed up together in his hotel room, ordering room service, chatting, laughing and having the best sex either of them had ever had. Niall was dying to tell him that he was in love with him but deep in his heart, he knew that he wouldn’t say it back and he thought that it might kill him. 

**

Niall got home just before 10pm on the Sunday night, after he left Harry. 

‘So you’re alive then?’ Zayn asked when he walked into the kitchen. 

‘I sent you a text. You knew where I was.’ 

‘I can’t believe you, you dirty stopout. It’s been 48 hours since I last saw you and you’re still wearing the same clothes I saw you in last,’ Fliss said.

‘Yeah well. We didn’t really get dressed at all yesterday.’ 

‘Slut,’ she said in jest.

‘You know I can’t resist him.’ 

‘Well I hope you’re not expecting anything from him,’ Zayn chimed in.

‘Of course I’m not.’ Which was a flat out lie because Niall would give anything to be in a relationship with Harry. He’d travel up to St Andrews every other weekend if that’s what it took. 

‘Okay,’ Fliss didn’t sound convinced either. 

Niall rung Rob about an hour later and broke up with him. Despite that, he didn’t see or hear from Harry again until December. 

| New Year’s Eve 2013 |

‘I just don’t understand why you’re getting so stressed about this,’ Fliss said. 

‘Because embankment will probably be full by the time we get there if we don’t leave soon, people will have been standing there from like 5pm.’

Zayn rolled his eyes. ‘Niall, who cares about fireworks. Let’s go clubbing.’

‘I agree. But if we do have to watch the fireworks at midnight, I at least want to sit in a bar and get pissed up until then,’ Fliss said.

Niall loved clubbing as much as the next person but New Year’s Eve was about fireworks and being with friends and making resolutions. They had every other day a year to get pissed in a sticky club. 

It was third year and Fliss, Niall and Zayn had been living in a flat near Vallance Gardens. It was small but they were happy.

‘What about this one?’ Fliss asked of her sixth outfit choice, while Zayn and Niall sat on her bed not really caring. 

‘You look like a stripper.’ Zayn said and Fliss sighed and started on outfit number seven. 

**

They left the flat at 9pm and Fliss linked each of their arms between them as they braved the cold and headed towards a bar. After they’d been walking a while, group of four boys were approaching them, two of which started making wolf whistles at Fliss’ bare legs. 

‘Wankers,’ Niall muttered under his breath, but as he got a better look at the boys, his heart stopped as he realised who the one on the end was. ‘Fliss,’ Niall’s voice strangled out. 

‘Oh fucking wanker is right,’ Fliss said as she realised. She pulled Niall close and hissed in his ear ‘do not, under any circumstances sleep with him tonight.’ 

Niall gulped. 

‘Hey you,’ Harry said as he reached Niall and immediately pulled him into his arms and hugged him tight.

‘I’m sorry, what just happened? Is that how easy it is for Harry to pull these days?’ one of the boys that had wolf whistled Fliss said. 

Harry and Niall broke apart from each other and another one of the boys said ‘I presume you’re the famous Niall?’ he held out his hand. 

‘I’m famous?’ Niall asked as he shook the guy’s extended hand. 

‘In our house you are. I’m Jeff.’ 

‘It makes sense now. Hi mate, I’m Louis.’ The first boy introduced himself. 

‘Hi I’m Fliss,’ she introduced herself loudly as she set her sights on Louis. Niall guessed that meant they were either spending the rest of the night with these boys or they were losing Fliss to them. 

‘Yeah well, it was nice meeting you,' Zayn started, ‘and of course being reunited once again with you.’ He said to Harry, his voice dripping with sarcasm, ‘but we have made plans with some tequila shots, we can’t cancel.’ 

Harry placed his arm on the small of Niall’s back, presumably wanting to send the message to him that he had no intentions of letting Niall slip away tonight. Niall hated his body for suddenly drenching him with adrenaline in excitement of bringing in the New Year with Harry. 

‘But you’re very welcome to join us,’ Fliss said and Zayn shot daggers in her direction. ‘Except, if we could lose Harry somewhere along the way. The international fuckboy that you are must already have plans for this New Year’s Eve,’ she added.

Louis, Jeff and the other wolf-whistle boy that hadn’t spoken yet, sniggered. 

‘I don’t actually. And yes Felicity, we’d love to join you, wouldn’t we boys?’ 

‘Yes we would,’ Louis said cheerily and threw his arm around Fliss’ shoulders and started walking. 

They all started walking after them and Zayn’s mood had been sufficiently been dampened.

‘So,’ he said. 

So?’ Niall said back.

‘What is it?’

‘What’s what?’

‘What is it that he has that makes you turn into this quivering mess every time he’s around? I mean I know I’m straight but I honestly don’t understand it. It can’t just be his good looks. Because you’ve dated hot guys before and you’ve been cool and not lame and….I don’t know, yourself?’

‘There’s just. There’s so much to him that you don’t know about. You’ve only every experienced the bad things.’

‘And by bad things, you mean you feeling shit because he fucks off back to Scotland without looking back at you once?’

Niall sighed. ‘The way he makes me feel, is just something I haven’t experienced with anyone else.’ 

‘I guess that means you’re fucking him tonight then.’

‘No, that's not happening.’ They both knew it was a fat lie.

**

They arrived at the bar and somehow managed to get a table. 

‘Oh, he’s so cute isn’t he?’ Fliss said gleefully. 

‘Seems a bit of a douche if you ask me,’ Zayn said. 

‘Yeah, he wolf whistled you,’ Niall added looking unimpressed.

‘Well at least I’m not in love with the biggest douche of that whole group over there.’

‘I’m not in love with him.’

‘Yeah, say that over and over again and the practice might make you look somewhat convincing.’ 

‘Let’s just ditch,’ Zayn said to Niall.

‘We can't leave Fliss on New Year’s Eve,’ Niall replied.

‘Just as long, it’s Fliss you don’t want to be separated from,’ Zayn said knowingly.

Niall tried to relax into his drink and enjoy the evening. Louis was holding court and making everybody laugh and Fliss seemed smitten already. Niall kept feeling Harry’s eyes on him from across the table but managed to continuously avoid eye contact and pretend he was completely focussed on the conversation. 

**

It was getting nearer to midnight and they all decided to leave the bar and make their way towards embankment. Zayn was being more than hostile and made it obvious he’d be walking with Niall before Harry could get close and walked behind the rest of the group. 

‘Fuck, did you see him at the table? I don’t think he did anything except analyse your face the entire time. He’s such a prick.’

‘Zayn, what’s up mate? It can’t just be Harry that’s got you in such a foul mood.’

‘Nothing. I was just supposed to be meeting up with that Annie girl but she’s not answering my texts. I think it’s because she knows I slept with Lauren, but we’re not exclusive. Her going cold on me has kinda made me realise I want to be exclusive and commit and all that shit.'

‘How poetic.’

Fliss then extricated herself from where she was walking in between Louis and Harry and hung back until Zayn and Niall made it to her and she happily linked her arm through theirs again. She was very merry courtesy of all the drinks Louis had bought her. 

‘Harry was just asking a lot of questions about you,’ she giggled. 

‘What was he asking?’ Niall asked, and he saw Zayn roll his eyes.

‘Just are you happy, how uni is going, are you seeing anyone. I told him you’re shagging a law student at UCL with a big dick.’ 

‘You didn’t tell him that…’ 

‘No I didn’t,’ she laughed, ‘but I did tell him that you’ve been going on lots of dates and you haven’t been sitting around pining for him.’

‘Thank you.’ 

‘I still think you should stay away from him tonight though,’ she said more seriously. 

‘I know you do, and I will. It's just hard because when I'm around him like this I'm reminded just how good he makes me feel. I miss it.'

'The sex?' Fliss asked. 

'Not just that. More just the energy I have when he's around, and the way I feel when he looks me in the eye,' Niall tried to explain to him. 'Just ignore me, I sound like a dick.'

Zayn sighed, ‘one of these days, you’ll have to learn to say no to him. Otherwise he’ll just keep bulldozing into your life every now and then and then disappearing without a care in the world while you’re left to pick up the pieces of your sorry broken heart.’

They got to the river and pushed their way through the crowds to try and get a good view. As the fireworks went off, they were all silent, just staring up at the sky in awe. That was until Niall felt Harry’s hand slip into his and suddenly was being pulled towards him. He said something Niall couldn’t make out and then Harry’s mouth was on his and his tongue was slipping in between Niall’s lips and the rest of the world was disappearing. 

After the fireworks finished, Zayn made his way back to Niall and pretended to ignore Harry. ‘Right, I’m gonna go to the club Annie’s at. Bye Harry, see you again in ten months I’m sure.’ 

‘I’m up for a club,’ Louis said, Fliss next to him looking gleeful post their New Year’s kiss. 

‘You all go on,’ Niall said trying to appear breezy. 'I'm gonna head home, I'm knackered.'

'Okay grandad.'

‘I’ll walk you back to yours,' Harry offered. 

‘I’m sure you will, loverboy,’ Fliss sniggered. 

‘Go and enjoy your night,’ Niall replied, wanting this little exchange to end.

**

They walked back in awkward silence until Harry slipped his hand into Niall’s. ‘So which do you prefer? Walking with me on a beach in Sardinia or walking with me along the banks of The Thames in freezing London?’ 

‘Think I’ll have to go with Sardinia.’

‘You know, I was thinking.'

'Lord help us all,' Niall teased and Harry rolled his eyes. 'Sorry, go on.'

'If you wanted, maybe….’ Harry seemed nervous.

‘What?’

‘We could maybe…you know…be something. Finally.’

‘Something? Finally?’

‘You and me. Make a go of it.’

Niall couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

‘Are you actually proposing that we start a relationship? Like officially?’

‘I want to be with you Niall,’ he sounded more confident now. ‘I know it sounds crazy. I know you’re thinking why now. But I just always thought it was stupid trying to start something when I’m living up in Scotland and you’re down here. I care about you so much and I never wanted to start a relationship and then have it end horribly because we can’t make it work, so far away from each other. But I still think about you all the time and I miss you and I want you.’

Niall had always wanted to hear those things from him but right then, in that moment it sounded weird, like he wasn’t sure he meant it. ‘I don’t know, Harry, I don’t know. I just. Okay so you didn’t start a relationship with me for those reasons but you never told me that. You never said anything like that to me. You just left and it felt pretty shit every time.’ 

‘I’m sorry. I just avoided it because I didn’t want to have that conversation.’

‘We’re twenty and if we’re gonna start a relationship, it would be an actual serious adult relationship and we’d have to communicate and you can’t avoid stuff,’ Niall told him. ‘You mess with my head, all the time. You can’t do that anymore.’

‘I know. But I can do that. I can be serious with you. I won’t make those mistakes anymore, I promise.’ 

‘Don’t make promises, you don’t know you can keep, Harry.’ 

Niall started to walk away from him. ‘Where are you going?’ he called.

‘I’m going home.’ 

Harry ran to catch up with him and they walked in silence back. Niall wanted to tell him he needed time to think and to leave him alone for a bit but he wanted Harry to be touching him, more. 

They made it back to the empty flat and Harry started undressing Niall the second they made it through the door. He continued to undress Niall as they walked through the hallway to his bedroom. They made it to the door and Harry pushed Niall back on the bed completely naked and Niall watched him undress until he crawled on top of him.

Niall quickly flipped them over, taking Harry by surprise as Niall licked his way down his torso. Niall took Harry’s cock in his mouth and Harry shuddered. Niall remembered all the things that drive Harry mad, making him thread his fingers through Niall’s hair spurring him on. 

Harry moaned desperately, and Niall felt smug as he pulled off. Harry’s eye flew open, ‘I don’t want you to come until I’m inside you.’ Niall explained. 

‘Fuck,’ Harry breathed and Niall bent down to kiss him. 

Niall reached for the lube and before Harry knew it, Niall’s fingers were slick against him and pushing inside. 

Harry groaned, ‘I missed this.’ Niall ignored the comment, afraid he’d say something snarky in return and he didn’t want the mood to go sour when he was so close to getting what he’d been thinking about since he first saw Harry earlier that evening. 

Harry bit his lip as Niall added another finger, feeling as if he could melt into the mattress.

‘Niall, s’fine, fuck me, please.’

Niall eased his fingers out making Harry hiss and lined himself up against him.

He pushed in ever so slowly and Harry gasped gripped the bedsheets as if he’d slide off the bed if he didn’t hold on. He closed his eyes in ecstasy and Niall moved up slightly so he could take in the view of Harry underneath him. Niall changed position while manoeuvring up and hit an angle that made Harry’s eyes fly open and moan obscenely loudly. Niall was thankful they were the only ones in the flat. 

‘Fuck, Niall, don’t stop doing that.’

Niall’s orgasm hit him with force and it wasn’t long before Niall’s gripped Harry’s cock so he was coming too. 

‘Fucking hell,’ Harry breathed as Niall pulled out and settled in the crook of his arm. 

Niall replied by leaning up to kiss Harry and neither of them made any movements up get up and shower. Niall knew he should have kicked Harry out but couldn’t bring himself to. 

**

Niall woke up early, enveloped in Harry's warm arms. He slipped out of them slowly so as not to wake him and put on some pyjama trousers. He left his room and noticed that there was a line of his clothes leading through the hallway to the front door. The flat was silent and Zayn and Fliss’ doors were both closed. 

He made some tea and went back in to wake up Harry. 

‘You need to go,’ Niall told him as he handed him his cup. ‘I want you gone before Fliss and Zayn get up, they’re going to give me a hard time and it’ll only be worse if they see you here.’

‘It’s none of their business,’ Harry said sleepily as he pulled Niall under the covers and back into him.

‘Well I still want you to go. I need to think about what we talked about yesterday. And if you’re here with me, you’ll just persuade me into it, with the only way you know how and I won’t be able to think straight.’

That made Harry grin naughtily with a suggestive look on his face. Infuriating and irresistible. And before Niall knew it, his pyjama trousers were back on the floor and he was naked and underneath Harry again. 

An hour later, Niall managed to get him to leave. He walked him out and kissed him goodbye and Harry promised to ring Niall later. 

‘I’ve heard that promise before.’ 

‘I’ll ring you later,’ he said again with more emphasis and reached out and kissed Niall again, long and deep.

**

He walked back into the kitchen and was met with a half-naked Louis making tea. 

‘Hi,’ Niall said. 

‘Oh, good morning,’ he replied. ‘How was your evening?’ he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and Niall grimaced. ‘Never mind, I’ll just ask your boy when I see him later.’

‘I see you enjoyed yours just as much.’ 

‘I certainly did.’ 

Niall escaped back to his room, partly because he wanted to sleep more and partly because he didn’t want any more kitchen chatter with Louis about their respective sex lives. 

**

When Niall woke up again, he walked into the living room and saw Fliss and Zayn chatting and eating toast on the couch. 

‘You’re up finally,’ Fliss said. 

‘Yes, a brief discussion with your boyfriend half naked in our kitchen this morning was enough excitement for me so I went back to bed.’

She blushed and smiled brightly. 

‘You have anything to report from last night?’ Niall asked turning to Zayn.

‘I met Annie and we chatted, things are gonna work out. But I didn’t bring her back here because I have some self-respect, unlike the two of you,’ Zayn joked.

Niall started to protest.

‘Save it, we all saw half your wardrobe strewn all over the apartment when we got back last night.’ Fliss said.

‘Is he still in your bed?’ Zayn asked. 

‘No I kicked him out first thing. I told him I need to think about things. I’m holding the reins for once.’ 

Zayn didn’t look convinced. ‘You’re never gonna be in control with him.’ 

| April 2014 |

It was the weekend before Easter and Niall was travelling home in a few days so Harry had invited him up to St Andrews to spend the weekend there before going back to Ireland. He had some company on the long train ride up to Scotland as Fliss and Louis has been in regular contact since New Year and he’d extended Harry’s invitation to her. 

Harry met them at the station and Niall hadn’t realised how much he had missed him. It had only been two weeks since Harry had last come down to London but this long distance relationship stuff wasn’t that easy. 

Niall and Harry spent the Friday night just the two of them, they went out for dinner and drinks and Harry had seemed off to Niall, like he was apprehensive about something but Niall pushed it to the back of his mind. In hindsight, that should have been a warning, Harry had never seemed so attentive when they spend time together before and had never been so desperate when they’d had sex. He’d almost seemed sad. But Niall was too preoccupied with how amazing Harry had made him feel that he barely just noticed. 

On the Saturday night, Harry and his housemates hosted a house party and it seemed like every student at St Andrews was in their house. Fliss and Niall were getting sufficiently tipsy.

‘Louis has barely paid me any attention since we got here. I mean we had sex last night but I spent the entire day by myself cause he had “stuff to do” and it’s been kinda shit to be honest.’ Fliss complained, sitting on the stairs. 

‘Harry’s been kind of weird too. We’ve spent all day together but he’s been really distant. He doesn’t seem to want to tell me what’s wrong though.’ 

Somewhere along in the conversation, they had officially crossed the line from merry to pissed. 

‘At least Harry is committed to you. Louis and I have seedy phone sex all the bloody time and then I travel the length of two flipping countries for him and he can’t even pay attention to me, barring one mediocre shag.’ 

Niall looked sympathetically at Fliss but inside he had some worries about his own relationship. 

‘I’m gonna get us some refills, it seems we need more beer to make it through tonight.’ 

Niall sat on the stairs by himself for a few minutes until Harry found him. 

‘Hey,’ Niall said, looking up and pleased to see him.

‘What are you doing by yourself?’

‘I’m not, Fliss was just venting about Louis being a knob. She’s gone to get more beer,’ Niall explained.

Harry nodded vacantly and Niall surveyed his boyfriend. 

‘What?’ Harry asked. 

‘Let’s go upstairs and fuck,’ Niall said unabashedly. 

Harry looked at him at Niall in a way he could only describe as, not one you should be giving your boyfriend after getting an offer like that.

‘Not here,’ Harry said.

‘Yeah not here. That why I said upstairs you prick,’ Niall was feeling more drunk by the second, sliding his hand up Harry’s thigh.

‘No, it’s inappropriate. Let’s just wait til the party’s over,’ Harry looked perturbed and shoved Niall’s hand off.

‘Inappropriate? A few weeks ago, you asked me to suck you off in the bathroom on the train.’ 

‘HARRY!!!’ they heard someone shout from somewhere else in the house and Harry got up and left without saying anything else to Niall.

Niall just sat there, alone again, trying to work out what just happened. 

Fliss made it back to and Niall listened to her complain about Louis some more while he downed his new beer.

‘I’ll be back in a sec,’ Niall said cutting Fliss off and leaving her in search of Harry. 

He spotted him in one of the corners of the living room talking to a girl. Niall was just about to go up and pull him away from the conversation and ask him what his problem was when he stopped and looked at Harry properly from across the room. Niall watched him talking to a girl and noticed the way he was looking at her. So intently. She was looking at him back like hung the moon. Surely she knew he had a boyfriend. Harry has never been shy about his sexuality. He does, however, always make it clear that he is bisexual. But Niall was sure this girl couldn’t be….. He watched Harry place his arm on her arm and smile at her and then turn to see Niall standing across the room and his face looked unmistakably guilt ridden. Then Niall knew, and Harry knew that he knew.

Niall turned around and walked straight out of the living room and out through the front door. He needed air. Lots and lots of air to fill his lungs. How did Niall become this pathetic mess over a guy? Niall is not a pathetic guy, he’s a nice, fun guy who’s friends with everyone and knows how to have a good time. When did he become this lovesick loser? 

All these things were running through his head when Harry found him leaning against the side of the house. 

‘Niall.’

‘You’re such a fucking dick, Harry. I can’t believe I let you feed me all that bullshit on New Year’s Eve.’

Harry took a deep breath.

‘You don’t want this. You’ve never wanted it and I don’t fucking care anymore. I’m done. This is so tragic. Just fuck off, will ya? I’m done.’

‘I didn’t mean for this to happen.’

‘How long have you been seeing her?’ Niall couldn’t resist just asking a little about her.

‘On and off a couple of weeks. It’s not serious.’

‘Have you slept with her?’ 

He looked down and didn’t deny it. Of course he had. Niall thought what a stupid question that was to ask.

‘How many times?’

‘Does it matter?’ 

‘It matters when I’m sat on my sorry arse in London missing you and you’re fucking some skirt.’

‘I’m sorry. But being away from you is hard and I thought we could do it but it doesn’t work.’ 

Niall didn’t want to hear any more, he just wanted to get Fliss and leave and never see Harry again. 

Niall made his way upstairs hoping that Harry wasn’t following him and grabbed his stuff from Harry’s room. 

‘Oh what the fuck have you done this time?’ Niall heard Fliss ask Harry loudly. 

Niall didn’t hear Harry’s reply. He opened Harry’s bedroom door as Fliss got to it and said, ‘I’m just gonna grab my stuff too and then we’re out of here okay. Wait here.’ 

They walked out of the house and made their way towards the train station. The first train back to London via Edinburgh was 4:30am which was two and a half hours away so they decided they’d just sit in the station and wait. 

‘I’m such a fucking idiot,’ Niall said after they’d sat in silence for a little while.

‘Babe, don’t do this to yourself. He’s the idiot.’

‘No, it’s me. I’m twenty for fuck’s sake. I should be out having fun, sleeping around, not taking life too seriously but here I am, feeling shit over some guy I met when I was eighteen.’

‘You loved him. People fall in love all the time, doesn’t matter what age you are or what situation you’re in. You can be strongest person, or the toughest, or the most laidback person ever, and still become a complete mess over someone.’

**

They were back in the flat in London by midday. 

‘Hey guys,’ Zayn said surprised. ‘I didn’t think you’d be back until late tonight. How was your weekend?’ 

‘Sucked,’ Niall said as he threw himself into the armchair opposite. 

‘What happened?’ 

‘Harry’s a fucking wanker and none of us are ever to say his name ever again. Right, who wants bacon, I’m gonna make sandwiches,’ Fliss said and marched off into the kitchen.

Zayn looked over at Niall.

‘Yeah, what she said.’

| August 2015 | 

Niall sat on the plane, he couldn’t tell whether he was looking forward to this weekend or not. He was looking forward to catching up with some old friends and of course couldn’t wait to see Fliss and Zayn. 

Niall was flying over from Dublin for Zayn and Annie’s engagement party. The wedding date hadn’t been set so in the meantime they’d decided to throw a big engagement bash. 

‘Listen it’s pretty much Annie’s night. If it was up to me we’d just go out for a nice dinner and leave the party stuff until the actual wedding day but she moaned so I’m just letting her do it her way,’ Zayn explained when he’d spoken to Niall previously. 

**

Fliss squealed when she saw Niall and bounded over to him with a man in tow behind her. Niall assumed this was Fliss’ new man he’d heard way too much about. 

Fliss threw her arms around him. ‘Hey babe, fuck you look amazing. All that shit Irish weather has done you the world of good it seems.’ 

Niall chuckled and kissed her cheek. 

‘I missed you,’ she said. 

‘I missed you too, kid.’ 

‘This is Mike. My new boyfriend.’

‘Nice to meet you mate. Heard a lot of about you.’

‘You too,’ Mike said politely and held out his hand for Niall to shake. 

The three of them were staying at a nearby hotel and shared a taxi to Annie and Zayn’s new London house. 

As the party dragged on Niall was realising he knew very few people at the party and he seemed to have lost Mike and Fliss so while he was searching for them he ended up having a nosey around the house. He found Zayn’s art studio and popped his head around the door.

‘You spying on someone?’ An all too familiar voice, laced with amusement, asked from behind him. 

Niall took a deep breath, closed the door and turned around to face Harry, remaining calm. 

‘No, I was just having a look around,’ he answered and started to walk away. He hadn’t seen Harry since that night in St Andrews when they broke up and he had no desire to spend time with him tonight. And just what the fuck was Harry doing here anyway? 

‘Are you not even gonna say hello?’

Niall met Harry’s eyes again and tried to ignore the fact that despite his hair looking like it needed a wash and a brush, and that he was sporting a 5 o’clock shadow, he still easily managed to look gorgeous and probably turned every head at this party. 

‘Hello, Harry,’ Niall said and turned to walk away again. 

‘There you are,’ Fliss said as Niall found them again. 

‘Why the fuck is Harry here?’ 

‘Harry’s here?’ Fliss eyes widened. ‘Zayn hates Harry.’

‘Yeah well he is. Have you even seen Zayn yet?’

‘No, come on let’s go look for him. We’ll be back in a minute babe,’ Fliss kissed Mike on the cheek.

They found him in the kitchen and they caught up until Niall couldn’t wait any longer. ‘Zayn what’s Harry doing here?’

‘Oh shit mate sorry I meant to warn you about that.’ Zayn looked sheepish. ‘Annie’s sister is mates with him and we’ve kinda been spending time together recently. You know as a foursome.’

‘Are they….?’ Niall started to ask. 

‘Dating? No I don’t think so, man.’

Niall hated himself for feeling relieved. 

**

‘Hey Niall,’ a familiar face wandered up to Niall later on. 

‘Rob! Hi, how are you man?’ Niall greeted his ex warmly. 

‘I’m good, how are you?’ 

They engaged in easy conversation as they caught up and Niall noticed two immature idiots behind Rob motioning in a way that said they were homophobic twats who had a problem with Rob’s obvious sexuality. 

Rob was telling Niall about his recent trip to Singapore when one of the idiots piped up, addressing Rob’s back and shouted ‘you meet any lady boys?’ then sniggered. 

‘That’s Thailand you ignorant prick,’ Niall replied. 

‘What did you just call me?’ 

‘I called you an ignorant prick,’ Niall repeated in the same tone. 

‘Watch your mouth, you fa—‘

A fist collided with the guy’s jaw before he could even finish the word and Niall felt like he watched a blur as Harry’s unclenched his fist and appear at Niall’s side. 

‘You can leave now,’ Zayn said to the guy that now had blood dripping from his mouth. There was a calmness in Zayn’s voice that never seemed to leave him but his eyes were dark and threatening. 

As Zayn escorted the guys out. Niall noticed how hard Harry was breathing and before he knew it, Harry was walking to the front door also. 

Niall followed him, ‘you didn’t have to do that.’ 

‘I couldn’t let him speak to you like that.’

‘Well, thanks, I guess.’

There was a beat of silence.

‘I was in Dublin a couple of months ago. I almost called you,’ Harry admitted. 

‘Yeah?’

‘I miss you, Niall.’

‘I should go back inside,’ Niall replied awkwardly. 

Harry cleared his throat. ‘Okay, I’m gonna go, I think. It was good to see you.’

‘Yeah you too.’

Niall turned to make his way back to the house. 

‘Niall.’

He looked back towards Harry expectantly. 

‘If I could go back and do it again—‘ 

Niall cut him off, ‘I’ll see you at the wedding, Harry.’

| May 2016 |

Zayn and Annie’s wedding was lowkey but beautiful just like the two of them. There were about 50 people in attendance, two of whom included Niall and his new boyfriend, Sam. They’d met in Dublin through work and had been dating for the last five months. They weren’t particularly serious yet, which felt like a nice change for Niall; having fun dating someone without having to worry about anyone feeling too much or too little. 

Fliss and Zayn had already both had their fun the previous evening, sizing Sam up and making their judgements. But luckily he seemed to have passed the test. 

Also luckily, as of yet Niall had managed to avoid an awkward encounter with Harry. He’d been late to the ceremony and had to sneak in the back, and so far at the reception, he’d just given Niall a little salute from across the room. Niall was thankful they were being civil. 

** 

Post dinner and speeches, the drinking and dancing was well under-way. Fliss, Sam and Niall were all sharing easy conversation. Niall was pleased that his friends seemed to like and approve of Sam. 

He realised his luck for the evening had ended when Harry barrelled into their conversation, quite clearly drunk. He almost shouted at Sam, ‘I don’t think we’ve met.’

The conversation halted and Sam took Harry’s extended hand. 

‘You’re the new guy are you?’ Harry all-but slurred, and Niall cringed. 

‘Excuse me?’ Sam said, not impolitely. 

‘Niall’s new guy,’ Harry explained, roughly placing his hand on Niall’s shoulder. ‘You’ve done well mate, you’re a very lucky man.’

‘Harry…’ Niall heard him himself murmur, desperately wanting this moment to end. 

‘Harry I think you’ve clearly had enough to drink, why don’t we go get you some air?’ Fliss suggested trying to sound breezy. She moved towards Harry and Niall immediately slipped round to Sam and put his hand on his back reassuringly. 

‘Sorry about this,’ Niall whispered. 

‘Well, aren’t you two just adorable,’ Harry almost sneered. Fliss was trying harder to get him outside. 

‘I mean it, mate. You’re a lucky dude. He’s great isn’t he? Sexy and funny—‘

‘Harry, come on,’ Fliss said pushing him. 

‘He’s good in bed too isn’t he? Does he do that thing with you where he--?’

‘Okay, Harry, that’s enough,’ Fliss cut him off and pushed him towards the door before he could create any more havoc. 

‘You could have at least replied to my letter, Niall!’ was the last thing Harry called before he left.

They hadn’t seen each other since the engagement party but Harry had written Niall one letter to tell him again how sorry he was, how much he loved him and how he never meant to hurt him. Niall pretty much gagged the first time he read it, but he kept it and from time to time he’d bring it out and read it again just to torture himself. 

‘Okay, okay you can stop pushing me, we’re outside,’ Harry stumbled a little. 

‘Are you crazy? This is a wedding. There are two newly-weds in there celebrating the most important day of their lives and 50 guests who don’t need to know your pathetic tellings of how you had Niall and how you lost him.’

‘I blew it.’

‘Oh, it’s okay. Everyone’s probably already forgotten and now pouring themselves a new glass of champagne.’

‘No, not tonight. I blew it, with Niall.’

‘Oh, Fliss replied. ‘Yeah you did. About fourteen times.’

‘Is he happy with him?’ Harry knew he didn’t really want the honest answer.

‘Yeah, he is.’

He looked down at the floor in a way that made him look like he was admitting defeat and turned to walk away from Fliss. He didn’t need to go back and face the music and he couldn’t go back in to watch Niall with someone else all night. 

Back in the reception, the few onlookers of Harry’s outburst had got back to what they were doing before. Niall and Sam were still standing together a little awkwardly. 

‘Sooo,’ Sam whistled. ‘That was the ex huh?’ 

Niall smiled embarrassed. ‘Yeah.’

‘Shall we get some cake?’ Sam said next and Niall appreciated him more than ever. 

**

As they were getting ready for bed later in their suite upstairs, Niall came out of the bathroom to find Sam sitting on the end of the bed, still in his suit. 

‘Are you okay?’ Niall asked. 

‘Do you still love him?’ He didn’t need to tell Niall he was asking about Harry. 

‘No,’ Niall replied. ‘I don’t think so.’

Sam got up. ‘I can wait, you know. Even if you do still love him, you won’t forever. One day you’ll look at someone else the same way I saw you look at him tonight. It might not be me, but I hope it is.’ He kissed Niall sweetly on the lips and went off to the bathroom leaving Niall standing stunned. 

Niall felt Sam go to sleep just moments after his head hit the pillow and it seemed that it would be nowhere near as easy for Niall. 

Eventually Niall decided he needed some air and went out to sit on their balcony, closing the door quietly behind him so as not to disturb Sam. 

Before he could stop himself or what he really knew what he was doing, he had his phone in his hand and was dialling Harry’s number. 

‘Hey,’ Harry answered on the second ring. Sounding much less rough than Niall had anticipated. 

‘Hey. How do you feel?’ 

‘Like a total knob,’ he admitted. 

‘Good.’

‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. Well, other than the total blinding jealousy.’ 

Niall’s heart skipped a beat at the admission. 

‘Where are you?’ Harry asked after Niall didn’t reply. 

‘On the balcony.’

‘Of your room?’ 

‘Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. Sam’s knocked out.’

‘..and you rung me?’ 

‘Just wanted to make sure you got home okay.’

‘Yeah, yeah I got home okay. After Felicity, gave me a bollocking.’

Niall chuckled. 

‘She told me you’re happy with Sam and that I should leave you alone for good,’ Harry said lowly. ‘Is that what you want?’ 

‘Yes.’

‘Why don’t I believe you?’ 

‘Because, you have always believed what you want to believe.’ 

A few more beats of silence passed. 

‘I wish I didn’t think about you so much,’ Harry admitted.

‘That’s your cross to bear, I guess.’

‘I’m sorry for the way I handled things, back then and tonight. But I miss you and it feels like it makes me crazy sometimes.’

‘Now you know how I felt, after Sardinia, and then after London and then after St Andrews, I spent the best part of three years missing you Harry.’ 

‘I know.’

‘I better go.’

‘I love you, Niall.’

‘Bye, Harry.’

| New Year 2016 (Present Day) |

Niall and Sam were flying to London again to spend New Year in London. As much as they love Dublin, nothing could beat London at New Year, especially for Niall and his love of fireworks. 

Sam has some friends to catch up with and so Niall spends the afternoon by himself getting reacquainted with London. Something he hasn’t had chance to do during his last few trips back. 

Just as he’s leaving a coffee shop on one side of the street, he spots him. Harry standing on the other side of the street. He’s standing with a brunette girl, laughing and chatting. They give each other a quick hug goodbye and she turns to walk away from him. That’s when Harry looks up and sees Niall standing across the road transfixed. 

Harry’s wearing a plain white t-shirt and black jeans, he looks tanned and tall. His hair is a little longer than it was the last time, but other than that he looks exactly the same. 

Both of them end up just staring at each other, neither of them knowing what to do. Harry ends up being the first person to take initiative and eventually crosses the street towards him. 

‘Hey stranger,’ Harry grins as he gets to him. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I was in the neighbourhood.’ 

Harry grins again and Niall feels weak for him. ‘You got time for a coffee?’

‘I’ve just had one thanks.’ 

‘Beer then?’ 

They find a nearby pub and find a table in the corner as they watch the snow start to fall down outside. 

‘So, what brings you back to London?’ 

‘Just here to celebrate New Year. We’ll be back in Dublin by the 2nd.’

‘We?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So where’s loverboy right now then?’ 

‘He’s seeing some friends that live here.’ 

Harry nods. ‘You still happy with him?’ 

‘Of course. Why do you ask?’ Niall answers slightly uncomfortably. 

‘Just asking,’ Harry replies flippantly. 

‘Well I am. Happier than ever.’

‘Don’t get defensive. I just was just making conversation. I just want to know you haven’t settled for less than you deserve.’

‘Like you, you mean?’ 

Harry sighs. ‘I wasn’t talking about me.’

‘Yes you were. You think Sam is the consolation prize don’t you? He’s a good guy, a good boyfriend and he’s never hurt me,’ Niall says heated. 

‘Okay, okay fine he’s perfect and I’m the guy who always fucks up.’ 

‘Yet you still feel like you have the right to criticise him?’ 

‘I just—‘

‘Well, you don’t,’ Niall interrupts him. ‘You have no fucking right to criticise him or my choice. He may never make me feel the way you did but he also doesn’t break my fucking heart every chance he gets.’ 

‘That’s not fair. I never meant to hurt you. I was young and immature and cheating on you was the biggest mistake I ever made.’

‘You can’t help how you feel I guess,’ Niall mumbled quietly. 

‘I didn’t feel anything for her,’ Harry replies. ‘I guess I thought I did for a while but it was always you and it scared me too much back then.’ 

Harry moves round the table closer to Niall and pulls his hand from his face. Niall knows he should pull away but the feeling of Harry’s hands in his feels too right. 

Harry kisses him softly and suddenly it feels like they’re back on that beach on Sardinia. 

Harry pulls away first and rests his forehead against Niall’s. ‘It’s not too late yet, Niall.’

‘You’re wrong. It’s always later than you think,’ Niall replies with a sad smile. ‘I need to get back. Sam and I have plans with Fliss tonight.’ 

‘Can I see you again before you go back?’ Harry asks. 

‘No, Harry. Because this..’ Niall casts his gaze down towards their joint hands ‘is what happens when we’re together.’ 

He breaks their hands apart, gets up and leaves him. He doesn’t look back at him despite how much he wants to. 

He fights with himself all the way back to meeting Sam. He could have easily given in to Harry and the very thought terrifies him. No matter how much he wants to be with Harry and how much he loves him, he doesn’t know if he could survive it if he put himself out there and Harry let him down again. 

**

‘Hey you, what you been up to?’ Sam asks when Niall gets back to their room. 

‘I went for a walk,’ Niall replies. 

‘You alright?’ 

‘I saw Harry,’ Niall admits, feeling like the truth is the best way to go about this. 

‘What? Why?’ Sam asks, his head snapping up from his laptop. ‘We get to the London and the first thing you do is go see your ex-boyfriend?’ 

‘No, no I just bumped into him.’

‘You bumped into him?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you think I’m stupid?’ 

‘What? No! I’m telling you the truth, I saw him in the street.’ 

‘Then what happened? You’ve been out for hours, did you shag him?’ Sam asks, starting to raise his voice.

‘No! I would never do that to you, we just went for a beer.’ 

‘He’s always gonna be around isn’t he?’ Sam asks. 

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘We’ve together for a year now and for half that time I feel like he’s interfering and messing with you. Even when you haven’t seen him for months.’ 

Niall looks down guilty. He could try and fight back, tell him how wrong he is but he knows it’s not true, and it would fall on deaf ears anyway. 

‘I’m so sorry,’ Niall tells him sadly. 

‘I know.’

‘You know I do love you, Sam.’ 

‘I know. You just love Harry more. I think you always have and I think I’ve always known.’ 

‘Sam…’

‘No just let me talk for a second. After Zayn and Annie’s wedding, I knew Harry was the love of your life but I thought that you’d get over it and your feelings for me would hopefully someday overtake your feelings for him. But they never will and I think you owe it yourself to honour them.’ 

Niall feels tears prick his eyes and his pulls Sam into a hug. They stay tightly in each other’s arms until they both know it’s time to let go. Sam packs a bag in silence as Niall watches him from the bed and eventually they say their goodbyes. 

**

The following day is New Year’s Eve. 

‘Are you sure you’re up for celebrating tonight?’ Fliss asks after Niall explains to her what happened last night, over a coffee. 

‘Yeah, ‘course. I didn’t come over here to not stand on embankment and watch the fireworks,’ he grins. 

‘You and those bloody fireworks,’ Fliss rolls her eyes good naturedly.

‘You’re sure you’re good though?’ she asks once more for good measure.

‘Yeah I feel good. It sucks, but Sam and I knew this was for the best. I’m feeling positive about moving forward.’

‘With Harry?’ 

Niall sighs. ‘I don’t know, Fliss. I don’t know.’

‘When will you know?’ 

‘I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.’

**

That night they go for drinks, and manage to meet up with Zayn and Annie. They all walk down to embankment together. They push their way through the crowds until they’re happy with their viewing spot. 

‘You gonna be my midnight kiss?’ Niall asks grinning at Fliss.

She looks over his shoulder. ‘I think someone else might want that privilege.’

Niall turns around to see Harry fighting his own way through the crowd. 

He turns back around to face Fliss. ‘You called him?’ 

10, 9, 8…. the crowd starts chanting around them. 

‘I called him,’ she admits. 

‘I told you, I don’t know if I’m ready yet.’

7, 6, 5

‘You might not ever feel ready, I know you said you’ll have to wait and see, but Niall, you have to take a chance. Look, I know I’m the one who said no to the prospect of you and Harry. Loudly, and a lot but what you feel for him doesn’t come around often. If we’re lucky, it comes around once in a lifetime. Sam’s right, you owe it to yourself.’

4, 3, 2

Niall knows she’s right and he doesn’t have time to talk to himself out of it anyway. He turns back in Harry’s direction just in time to grab his coat and pull him into him as the crowd screams. They crash their lips together and everything but them and Big Ben’s chimes disappear. 

‘Happy new year, Harry,’ Niall says as they pull away. 

‘Happy new year, Niall.’ 

**

They’re quick to say their goodbyes to the others and make their way back to Harry’s flat. 

They last about four minutes small talking as Harry briefly shows Niall around his new place before they’re stumbling towards the bedroom, hands all over each other. 

‘I can’t believe I have bloody Fliss to thank for this.’

Niall laughs. ‘Oh yeah, she’s your biggest fan now.’

‘God help me,’ Harry teases. 

‘Hey,’ Niall starts. ‘Thanks for being braver than me.’

‘What do you mean?’ 

‘I said no yesterday because I was scared,’ he rests his forehead against Harry’s. ‘But tonight, you weren’t scared and right now I’m really fucking happy I’m here with you.’

Harry smiles and leans in to kiss him. Niall quickly deepens the kiss and licks in to Harry mouth and kisses him until he squirms. 

‘Niall, I need you, I need…’

‘What do you need?’ 

‘Fuck me, please. I need you so much.’

‘Fuck, okay. Do you have—‘

‘Top drawer in the bathroom,’ Harry answers.

‘Get your kit off,’ Niall orders as he disappears to fetch what they need. 

When he comes back Harry is naked and has pulled his hair into a bun. Niall loses his breath a little. 

He places the lube and condom on the side table. ‘We won’t need these yet, turn over.’

Harry smirks. ‘When did you get so bossy?’

Niall raises eyebrows and Harry obliges. 

He places a soft kiss on Harry’s lower back before making his way down and licking over Harry’s hole.

‘Holy fuck,’ Harry groans and seizes up momentarily before relaxing under Niall’s touch. 

It’s not long before Niall adds a finger and has Harry quivering. When he starts to grind against the sheets underneath him, Niall stops and tells him to flip back over. 

He leans down to kiss him. ‘Good?’ 

‘Fuck off, don’t fish for compliments.’

Niall grins and grabs the condom which Harry snatches out of his hands to put on Harry himself and slicks Niall’s cock up. 

He lines himself and thrusts in slowly and waits til Harry gives him a nod. As soon as he starts to move, Harry makes a noise that Niall hadn’t realised he’d missed so much. 

Niall tries to get reacquainted with the rhythm Harry likes until he knows he’s hit an angle that make him crazy. 

‘Fuck, Niall, don’t stop, that feels so…’ he can’t finish the thought. 

‘I miss you so much,’ Niall mumbles desperately in Harry’s ear and Harry moans, half from Niall’s confession and half because every other drive in, Niall is hitting a spot inside him that has never made him feel so good in his entire life. ‘Every second, of every day, of the last four years, I’ve been missing you. And I refuse to let you make me miss you anymore, you understand?’ 

‘YES! NIALL!’ Harry shouts. Niall knows the ferocity of Harry’s response had more to do with Niall’s cock inside him than it did anything else but he’s satisfied none the less. 

A couple more excruciatingly good thrusts and Harry’s coming and the sound of Harry’s groan pushes Niall over his own edge. 

Harry’s not sure where he is as Niall goes to the bathroom and comes back to clean Harry up. He feels himself getting tucked in and Niall wrapping himself around him from behind. 

‘I miss you too,’ Harry mumbles sleepily. 

‘Shh, go to sleep,’ Niall says fondly as he kisses the side of Harry’s neck. 

**

Harry wakes up and pouts as he realises he’s alone. 

He gets up and makes his way to the kitchen. 

He sees Niall, standing over the hob, frying bacon. He smiles and pads over to him, slipping arms around his middle and kissing the back of his neck. 

‘Agh damn, I was hoping you wouldn’t wake up, I was going to bring a bacon sarnie in bed,’ Niall says and he twists in Harry’s arms to face him. 

‘Thank you,’ Harry grins. ‘Would have rather woken up with you in bed with me than a bacon sandwich but I appreciate it.’ 

‘Bacon first, me later,’ Niall says and motions with the spatula for Harry to sit down so he can get back to frying. 

Harry smiles as he sits down with a coffee and reaches for newspaper. 

Niall comes over, moments later with a ketchup bottle and a plate full of bacon. He kisses Harry as he sits down next to him and winks. 

‘Should we address the elephant in the room?’ 

‘Yeah, her name’s Daphne and she’s a little shy but has a heart of gold.’

Harry rolls his eyes. ‘When do you have to leave?’ 

‘Tomorrow.’ 

‘If you’re nervous, I understand but it’s not going to be the way it was last time. We’ll do the long distance this time and we’ll be fine. I’ll come through for you, I promise,' he takes Niall’s hands in his own.

‘Don't promise,' Niall says shaking his head. 'Just do it this time.'

‘I’ll fly to Dublin every weekend if I have to. I’ll move over if you want me too. I’ll—‘

Niall is convinced enough and reaches over to kiss Harry. 

‘I trust you.’

Harry looks at him relieved. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you too. Now eat your bacon.’

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr is complicatednarry :)


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